Clumsy

See the effect of having clumsy friends like Carla and Valens?!?!

Last night I washed my face using nipple cream (>_<)

About Promise and Trust

When I was small, I used to complain to my father if he had to work late.
I remember he always smiled and said "Papa had to make a living. If Shierly waits, everynight papa will go to your room, bring candy and listen to your story of the day".
It happened for years. I believe him and his promise. Little Shierly was a little girl with high hope, expectation, and belief on promises.
But of course it couldn't happen forever. I grew up, and many things happened. Life changed, I changed.

Once a friend said, that from me he learnt not to trust someone easily. I got insulted at that time. Am I that bad? But then I tried to put some of my life pieces together. A friend won't say such thing without any reason.

I got dissapointed for many times. Because of one sweet word called "promise", and one determination called "trust".
From my work where my eyes opened that business world is not a clean world. No easy trust to a promise if you want to fight your life there.
From some friends to whom I gave my trust but taking every aspects of me for granted.
From love that broke my heart several times yet keep giving me promises.
From my family to whom I did my best yet got no understanding back, but expect more and more from me. Without realising that I have my own life and had done enough to make them happy.
Even from myself, from my own acts, emotions, and unbelievably way of thinking.

Small promise is a big matter for me, but seems that for some people now promise is only some good words accidentally said to give me temporary good feeling. Since then I couldn't trust someone easily. I live in a world full of 'if' and 'if'

Anyway, I want to change. I want to learn to trust again. I want to forget the black spots in my heart. To those dark memories I said I've already put in a locked box but infact keep haunting me.

Therefore I still put this little hope on promise. I know from my experiences that a promise is so easy to say but not to realise. I want to have a hope again. So anyone who read this, please don't just give me the damn word. Don't break my effort when I'm just starting to try to trust people again.

If a small promise couldn't be kept, how can I rely on big promises? How can I build my trust again?

Gender!

I went to Desperados last Saturday night with Arief, Carla and Vitria. It's been quite a while for me not hanging out at night. And indeed it's already different for me.

I have to order only AQUA since I'm not allowed to drink alcohol nor soda. And I only can sit down somewhere behind and watched my friends having fun on the dance floor.

It was my first time spending time sitting inside Desperados for a long time. The music was nice, but for me the satisfaction was not complete. And because I sat alone, some "aged" guys came and "offered" me either drink or bed. HUH. It ruined my mood a bit.

I used my time to look around me. To the stage where the band played the music and the singers sang attractively. To the dance floor where my friends danced crazily with happy smiles. To the bar where crowds of men drinking with each hugging a girl. To the table on my left hands where a chinese couple talked intimately. To my right table where an Indian kissing a girl in passion. And to the two Japanese guys in front of me with several girls touching them here and there.

Well well well. I laughed myself.

Men and Drinks and Women and Intimate touches, that probably ended in a hotel room. As far as I looked around, no single man sitting alone drinking. All with girls in their hands.

Is this how men having fun? I bet none of them remembered their wives and kids at home while they're in their own heaven there. And none of them would listen to any complaints from their wives hahaha.

What if a woman do the same? Want some fun by looking for a guy in a bar? Eventhough she only thinks that it is for FUN (as what men do), men will judge her negatively.

Another type of discrimination towards female! World is so unfair.

Make out with Brad Pitt

Since last Friday, I was a lone-and-horny pregnant woman. Well, I guessed hormonal thing was responsible for this.
I spent my bed rest time sleeping, eating and watching TV; and still drama comedy Friends came to my greatest interest. They just can make me laugh easily. The day before, I watched the story when Brad Pitt appeared as a guest actor. And then last Friday the story was when pregnant Rachel got her hormonal urges. Got horny on every guy she met -including Ross and Joey. It was sooo sooo funny.

I guessed then that story strengthen my mind that this happens to every pregnant woman. That during this time their needs is even bigger on this matter. I told my husband about this, but alas, he's just so far far away to satisfy me. So this thing was going around inside my head for several days.

But this morning I woke up with satisfied smile. Hohohoho. I got a very very satisfying dream. I made out with Brad Pitt!!! His face was so clear in my mind, his smile is haunted me the whole day, even I still can feel him in my arm. His face was fresh as seen in Friends, but was as sexy as seen in Troy and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. In my dream he was a perfect combination of a gorgeous, strong, smart, hot and sexy man. It was the best dream I've ever had for sure hahahahaha

Oh yeah.....today I feel sooooooo goooood (^__^).

Being punished yet feeling beautiful

Can't believe I have to go through this. Being punished to stay ON MY BED - except for toilet urges - for 5 days!!! This is the first day, and I feel like dying already. Being pregnant and being active are two contradictive things. I'd love being active pregnant woman yet my baby seems doesn't like the idea.

Hiro said that our baby is just being naughty. Hmmmm...maybe she's just dancing inside listening to HIP HOP music I love to listen to? hahaha. But today I didn't listen to any of those noisy music. Just lying on the air-bed in front of TV. Or the pain in my stomach today was her laughing badly while watching the-funniest-ever Donald Duck on Disney channel?!

I know I'm complaining a lot and fussy about lots of unnecessary things. Sometimes I feel thats it is sooo difficult carrying a baby. That my body could probably not be able to manage. That I couldn't do things I love as much as before. That I couldn't eat my favourite food and drinks but stick to the healthy eating habit rules. That I have to face lots of "Don't"s. That even I have to reduce my walking speed. That I have to drink those smelly milk. That made me wanting RAMBUTAN badly but can't have even one at this season. That forbids me satisfying myself using squating toilet (hehehe...u know what i mean here). That changes my world and habit upside down. That now I become more sensitive and emotional than ever. That makes me now sitting helplessly on my bed alone the whole day.

But...Those negative feelings were gone in a second I saw the USG monitor. Watching my baby's heart beat blinking. Watching how life already can be seen on the tiny little thing there. 37 mm long now.

Amongst those tiring complaints written beforehand.....it is indeed beautiful having something alive inside me (^__^)

Last technical meeting

These two days I was responsible for handling the technical meetings for enrolled students in Surabaya. Students from Surabaya and Malang came to our office together, being introduced to each other. Suddenly my office became crowded of highschool students with happy and exciting faces, looking forward for their experience to the Netherlands.

I got this strange feeling when I was being in the middle of those students. I dont know.....somewhat my "teacher" feeling came strongly out of sudden. It been quite a while not interacting directly with the students in a group, and by my surprise, I found out that it's still as EXCITING as always. With high school students and their unique characters, with their naughty comments and also their shy smiles. I'd always love to talk in front of them, watching the bright and blinking eyes focused on me.

This would be my last technical meeting with the students. I won't even got the chance to meet some other students from other cities in Indonesia because my inability to fly now. I do talk with them regularly by phone or email, but I always want to meet them in person; and give them the best suggestion for their further life in the far far country. This year also I won't accompany them to the Netherlands. I won't see those happy yet sad faces leaving their homeland country. Still clear in my memory, the sight of international airport with the students crying to their parents and friends, saying goodbye to each other.
I also won't accompany those kids exploring Amsterdam streets, exploring their first days in colleage, facing Holland's strong winds together, running out of breath catching the train or metro, or trying some new foods.

It was my last technical meeting. Once it finished it left me hard feeling inside. Sometimes I laugh for some silly questions from the students, but these silly questions made them special in my heart. Unique Indonesian high school students.

Well, these are the last months for me to do things I love to, and I am good at. Then I won't be able anymore........(_ _o)

Bad Taxi Day

Since I knew about my pregnancy, hopelessly I had to say goodbye to my motorbike, and count on taxi as my main transportation mean. Expensive, but I don't want to risk my baby by moving around Surabaya using motorbike.

So as usual, this morning I went to the office by taxi. Unfortunately, I got a bad driver. He drove recklessly, made me want to vomit and lost my appetite as I arrived at the office.

And then after work I have to go to doctor. Again I got a wrong taxi. The AC was freezing that I can move my finger badly. I asked the driver to raise the temperature, but the maximum temperature was still freezing.

After doctor, I called a taxi again. I wished I got better taxi, but the taxi came was the same taxi I rode before. So....must be patient again being in a freezing taxi until Tunjungan Plaza. Phew.

And....as the title of this posting. The taxi we took from TP is even worse. The worst of the day. The AC was freezing as well, and the driver drove really really bad. At first Vei and I planned to go to Cafe Pisa first to reserve a table for our Saturday night dinner, but we changed our mind. Go home directly was the best decision. My head was spinning, and my stomach was really awfull. As I arrived at the apartment, I vomitted all the the dinner I had in TP before. HOEKK.

And because of that taxi, I'm still awake this late in dizziness. Just finished watching DVD "Racing Stripes" and now could manage connecting to internet from home for the first time.

Once I laid on the bed, my world will spin even worse, and I would feel like vomitting again.....Huks huks huks. Bad Taxi Day....

Rm. Yohannes vs Brad Pitt

Last week my aunt and my cousins kept pushing me to attend the adoration lead by Rm Yohannes. Rm Yohannes is a famous figure of Catholic Charismatic church in Indonesia. When I was in my early year at uni, I was pushed to believe, and regularly went to Tumpang (kind of sacred place nearby Malang). I was still so young and weak and too afraid to say no. It was long long time ago. I still believe in GOD. Of course I praise him for blessing me whole of my life, but my way is just already different than how I used to be. I may not a good Catholic, but I believe GOD in my own way.

Unfortunately those fanatics people couldn't just let me be this way. That's why they kept urging me to join them. I've tried to explain them softly, failed. I did decline strongly, failed. So at last i have no choice than RUN AWAY. *grin*

The adoration was held last night. I told my aunt and my cousin that I had lots of works in the office. That I had to work overtime. Great. They stopped contacting me. Then I felt free last night to go to Supermall to see movie: Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

SURPRISINGLY. There I found out that the adoration was taken place at Supermall, just nearby the cinema!!!! So I had to do this hide and seek to avoid meeting my aunt and cousins accidently. It started just before the movie began, and finished almost the same time with the movie. I ran ran and ran to avoid those people coming out of the ballroom from the adoration. Hiiiii Couldn't imagine if I got caught!!!

Well....If I have to choose between Rm. Yohannes and Brad Pitt...?! You know my answer. I hate being hypocrite. That's why I write it bluntly here. I couldnt stay in that room, looking at people crying, falling down on the floor, screaming, talking in so-called-god language, sometimes wildly act like animals. I'm scared. SCARED. If you guys have DIFFERENT opinion here, please keep it for yourself. Coz' I have the right to have my own opinion about this kind of service to God, or ceremony, or mass -whatever you call it.

Phew....

Anyway, the movie was super. Four thumbs for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!!!!!!!!

Akhir-akhir ini

Aduh akhir-akhir ini aku kok jadi super malas ya.
Bangun tidur malassssnyaaaa ampun2. Tapi kalo diranjang gitu matanya udah melek. Ini pasti karena kerjaanku tinggal satu deh. Penyakit malas jadi kuat banget.
Bukan cuma malas bangun tidur. Juga malas ngomong, malas duduk, malas jalan, malas baca, malas kerja, malas ngeblog, apa lagi lihat barang2ku di apartment baru. Malas banget buat ngebongkar n nyusun2 lagi. duh...

Baru tadi pagi aku bongkar tas gede n nyusun2 baju2 di lemari. Buku-buku beserta pernak pernik dan dokumen penting masih didalam kardus. Gak tau kardus yang mana. Jadi satu semua. Kumasukin kedalam gudang. Setidaknya setelah barang2 itu masuk gudang, apt-nya jadi tampak sepeti real apt hihihi.

Oh yaaa....aku udah pindahan. Sedih juga pas ngosongin kamar kostku yang mini itu. Banyak kenangan juga disana, dan sebenarnya aku udah feel nyaman dikamar yang khas bauku itu -bau bedak bayi campur minyak telon hehehe. Tapi yah, udah merit. Pindahan ke apt ini salah satu perubahan dahsyat dalam hidupku.

Aku sekarang tinggal di Puri Darmo. Ditemenin si Vei. Rumah pertamaku. Minggu lalu abis shopping besar2an buat ngisi keperluan2 rumah. Hihihi jadi ibu rumah tangga nih. Cuma ini belum dengan kewajiban ngurus n masak suami.

Hummm ngantuk. Tuh kan...malasku kumat. Udah ah, mo siap2 pulang.

USG

I got diarrhoea today. Kept me awoke last night. Ruined my mood the whole day. But didn't dare to take any medicine because of my home tester result.

So I decided to go to doctor (the one recommended by ella: her father). Accompanied by Vei.
He gave me prescription, and suggested me only to have white porridge with soy sauce for my meals, till the diarrhoea stopped.

Then....I told him my case...bla...bla...bla....till he lead me onto the USG table. And....you guys won't be able to imagine how I felt when he pointed to one tiny black object. 13 mm size. I couldn't stop my happy tears when I told Hiro by phone about this.

There.....our baby is...... the tiny black spot on the printed USG result

our tiny baby

Boring free time

I got used to work about 12 hours a day. I enjoyed my busy time very much. Well, beside being busy and got pretty good amount of salary, I don't have much free time left. Free time = money spending.

But now that I already stopped working at Excellogix, I have 8 hours extra free time a day!!!!!!

Maybe you guys think that it would be nice just relaxing at home. BUT I was dying already yesterday. At my FIRST day of working only for 4 hours per day. Really don't know what to do.......

It's almost 4:00 pm right now. But don't feel like going home. I know I have to pack my stuffs for moving out this weekend, but the lazy virus is soooo strong. And I can't concentrate to read some novels. Also not interested to the TV programmes. Plus I couldn't sleep that early.

So....pity me just laying on the bed. With my mind flying here and there. BORING GITU LOOHHH

Masih malu

Sekarang lagi pengen posting pake bahasa Indonesia ah.....

Sesuai judul, sekarang aku lagi tersipu-sipu abis baca imel dari mertua nih hehehehe
Terus terang aku masih kerasa aneh banget. Tiba-tiba ada orang-orang baru dalam hidupku. Lebih-lebih aku kudu panggil mereka ama panggilan akrab papa-mama. Hueeeeee

Tiap kali baca or ngetik kata2 itu, jadi malu sendiri. Mukaku rasanya panas, dan warnanya pasti udah merah deh. Rasanya aneeeh gitu lowhhhh. Kaku banget mau bilang papa-mama ke mereka. Waktu ketemu di Jepang aja aku gak nyebut mama-papa sama sekali. Rasanya kata-kata itu nyandet di tenggorokanku. Gak sopan amat yah. Baru trus di imel aja aku berani nulis. Dengan jari berat (dan hati beraatt karena malu). Tapi ternyata reaksi mereka yang seneng banget bikin aku tambah tersipu sipu. Campur aduk seneng ama malu hihihihi.

Ada mama-papa baru, ada sodara2 baru, keponakan2 baru. Juga punya nama baru. Bayangin betapa merahnya aku pas tadi siang Hiro bilang: "kamu istriku, shierly kondo ne..." hihihi (kyaaa sekarang jadi merah lagi nih!!)

Hmm...entah kapan aku terbiasa.....

Moody

Lately I feel so moody
Something always goes wrong
In a second I could be very happy.
but at another second my mood ruined already.

I feel pain all over my body.
Also feel tired, feel sleepy, feel lazy.
Where's the ambitious imoet?
Today everything goes even worse in the office.

ARRGGGHHHHH

What's going on with me?
I want to scream
I want to cry loudly
Yet want to laugh badly
My head feels like blowing up

Huks huks huks....

I dont like this

A week ago

Hmmmmm

Still can't believe it. I'm married already!!!! Exactly a week ago.

The process was so fast and so easy. I still feel weird. Really I do!! I feel no difference, but indeed it is different now. I'm no longer for myself. I belong to somebody else. All the actions and decisions made must have consideration for my other's half. I couldn't behave as what I used to be. I'm married. MARRIED. Look at our wedding rings!


wedding rings

But......deep inside I feel so happy. And so touched because I felt so welcomed in Japan. Hiro's boss arranged a small party for us with his colleagues. Surprisingly unexpected. They welcomed me, happy with our marriage, and spoilt us with lots of presents. After the party Hiro warned me: "Don't cry Shierly! or I will!"......It was such an unforgetable moment ever....

And I met his family too. Such a warm family. His mother cooked a special red bean rice -only eaten at special occasions like wedding-. She is such a great cook. Dunno if I could cook that way (^__-). At first I felt worried to see them, but they DID welcome me in a very nice way. I was really touched. They are even learning English now!! Hehehe I do hope next time we could communicate better.

I'll do my best for my new family. I'll give all my love for my husband and my future kid. That now we're still separated, I'll use the time maximally with my friends and family. After I move out from Indonesia, everything will be even more different. I have to be ready. But I'm so sure. With Hiro by myside. Nothing can scare me away.

Touched

Today I felt so touched

Suddenly my kadiv gave message through YM. "Come downstair now. we'll have meeting".
I closed my computer and walked slowly downstair. But W.O.W!!!.........everybody was clapping hands, gathering around a big table with complete set of Javanese tumpeng.

I was speechless. I didn't expect this on my first working day back here. They were celebrating my wedding.......and also my farewell.

Oh yes. After 4.3 years working at Excellogix aka. Alto, starting from next Monday I will resign. Another surprise for my boss and colleagues here, so sorry, but life is full of surprises, and I always love to be one hehehe.

Thank you for the "farewell words" from all of you. I know I have this "spcial negative trademark" here, but hehehehe no problem guys. I always love to be different. I'm proud of being "mesum imoet". I'm sure you won't forget me in that way.

I won't forget those time we spent together here. Really......

Thanks for the gift. I will bring it wherever I go around following my husband.

I'll still be in Surabaya for several months, so I'd love to meet you again. And when I send my invitation later on, I DO expect to see ALL of you at my party!! [ngancam mode: ON]

Hiks hiks.....feel so touched. feel like crying......

[Narcist mode: ON]

Imoet from behind


shinden


at the church

That's all for now.....
From Tokyo with love
(^__^)

doain gue ya!

Teman teman semuanya...

Mo pamit en minta restu nih
Besok sore gue ke Jepang
.......mo nikah

Doain biar gue; imoet yang super sloppy, berantakan, egois, bermulut kejam, tapi cakep banget; nanti bisa jadi istri en ibu yang baek hihihi

PS: Kado, angpao atopun karangan bunga diterima dengan senang hati kok (^_^)

Bye single...

So.....here the time comes.....

I couldn't sleep for the whole week. My mind brought me back and forth, to all the things that have happened in my life. I'm in my 25 years old, and (inspired from my boss, Vera) will change my status from a "ms" to a "mrs". Oh man.....is this real? am I dreaming? everything just happened in a blink. Still can't believe this.

Am I satisfied already with my single life? with all the achievements, failures, lessons of life, and adventures. Also for all the stupidest and craziest things I've done. Am I satisfied already? Am I ready for the new life almost every girl dreamt of with the love one? Could I be a good wife? Could this sloppy girl be a good mother later on?

With wide opened eyes in my dark room, all the things happened in my life flashed back like a film...

• I can say I have a strange happy childhood, with strangely close relationship with my brother and sister.
• I've experienced a spoilt life. With my parents trying to give me whatever I want.
• Also experienced the hard one. Sometimes with no money at all left in my pocket.
• But there I saw and learnt. How my parents worked hard day and night, struggling to provide their children the best they could.
• I've given my parents my best achievements in school. The only thing I could do to pay them back. Their proud smiles motivated me most to keep the yearly gradelist on the top ranks.
• I've experience studying at two universities with two different major.
• I graduated cum laude from uni, with predicate of best active student. Brought my parents to come in front of Widya Mandala's 700 graduates. It was the gift for my expensive tuition fee.
• I've experienced the active school and uni life. With lots of friends, and lots of activities.
• I've experienced uni's busy and active organization life. There I developed myself and learnt about responsibility.
• I've experienced the busy part-time workings.
• I've experienced the adventurous last minute travels with Mariza. Thing I wouldn't consider to do again now hahaha
• I've experienced a 4-year relationship with a nice but conventional guy, and how it was to be welcomed in his family.
• I've experienced also a 1-month wild relationship with my junior in uni.
• I've cheated guys and flirting and playing around with their hearts. Well, I promised not to do these anymore.
  
• I've dedicated myself working for two companies days and nights.
• I could help my parents supporting my brother and sister's education. Hope they could be good doctors in the future.
• I've satisfied myself eating soto Banjar at a warung on Kedungdoro street.
• In 3 years I've visited Holland for three times, German for twice, Paris, Belgium, Singapore twice, India, Malaysia also for three times and Japan twice. My great interest in travelling cleaned my savings and bonus.
• I've nude-photographed by talented-Carla. Thanks, girl. Your art opened my eyes of how sexy I am hahahaha.
  
• I've met lots of wonderful friends with whom I spent my colorful single life.
• And I've met my soulmate. Been through ups and downs together, till now we decided to step further into a marriage.

And many many other lists couldn't be written here.
Oh...yes I'm satisfied. I've had passionate single life. Always following my heart, and never regret of what I've decided. Take them all as lessons in my life.
Some may say I'm crazy. I'm naughty. I'm stupid.
But I'm satisfied with my wild single life. With the life I've earned with my own hands.

So for now....bye bye single world......(^_^)v.

I'll open a new page of my new life.

Bit relieved

So little time so much to do....

It's me now. I have little time only left yet lots of things to be done before mid of next week. Only God knows whether I can manage all or not.

But today, I feel a bit relieved.
I managed to submit all the paperworks to the consulate.
I talked to my boss in Excellogix, and got days off for next week.
I got positive response from my boss in CDU.
I talked to my parents about my plan - hmmmm their reactions were unbelievable, yet make sense.
I talked with Hiro about other stuffs and he could understand (^_^).

Every day until next week is important. I wish I could still have a month or so, but other side of my heart is counting down. Can't wait for the time.
Hiiiiiii.....friends....am also scared actually *nail biting*

uuhhhh

I'm scared...

Don't know what am i supposed to think now. or feel. or plan.
I was stunned by the fact I saw last night. not sure whether it's really true or not though.
But still this opened my eyes the whole night thinking. What should I do. What will I face. What will be the explanation.

I don't want to say this as a mistake. This should be a thing I thank you. This is the thing I've been longing for. Though now it still confused me a lot. Am I really ready? ready for all the consequences? Well I have to. I chose this path already, and I have to go on.

But please help me to go through this. I have no power. I can only ask for help. And you're the only one who can help me.