Tonight I plan to pack....

November 2 years ago, i was so excited doing it. Counting days to hours to seconds.
Vebby and Ayik were there to help me packing (well, my eternal problem is doing this kind of thing hehehe), laughing and chatting together. I remember I was sick at that time, but it was almost painless.

Tonight I will do the packing again. No idea what I feel inside now. Perhaps....panic...?! But this time I will step to another maturity phase. I don't want to lose what I already have now, yet I know that I have to be realistic.

Eniweizzzzzzz

Acik acik bakal ketemu cowokku. Bakal makan bareng lagi, bakal ketawa bareng lagi. Impian-impian yang dulu dibikin bareng bakal come true dalam hitungan hari: lihat sakura ama maen ski bareng. Sambil menyelam minum air. Sekali dateng, dua impian terlaksana! ===> imoet positive thinking and tired of speaking english hehehe.

Cantik....?!

Yesterday I was in the same plane with Manado soccer team (PERSMIN). I just found out that they will have a game with Surabaya soccer team tomorrow. Almost everyone in the plane got interested with this soccer team. Well, you know....they are kind of celebrities for them hahaha.

Since I'm not into soccer stuffs, I just didn't pay attention to them. I knew there were three foreign players there. Two are the black ones, while the other one is a spaniard or portugal-like person. Hmmm, I could say he is handsome. But none of my business.

This handsome player was sitting on the same row with me. Our eyes collided for several times. Ehm....though at first I thought that he's none of my business, i can't resist good view available beside me, right? hehehe. Nothing happened, I just enjoyed music from my ipod while reading a novel. But then he helped me taking out my heavy luggage *^_^*. That's it.

We got separated. I bought taxi ticket and waited for my baggage. Then I heard somebody called: "Cantik....". Again: "Cantik......".
I know I AM. But I didn't want to take any shameful risk hehehe. So I just kept quiet.
Then Someone touched my shoulder. "Cantik....?". I was stunned. HIM. The Handsome Player. He offered me a chocolate, and asked my name. "Your name is as beautiful as you"

Kyaaaaaaaaaaa I was so blushed and speechless. Everyone was watching, and the other players were clapping hands to support him. I couldn't bear the shame....I just walked away, looking for a trolley.

I got my baggage and went out. Just in front of the exit door, he was waiting, and smiling. "Bye bye cantik..."

I just smiled and rushed.

As I got into the taxi. I just realized. Damn! stupid me!! I didn't even ask for his name!!!!!!!
But......"Cantik.....?!" hehehehehehe I don't care what the taxi driver thought of me. I just couldn't stop smiling the whole journey.

"cantik...." (^_____________________^)

FAT (o^_^o)

This morning my mom cooked the famous Bubur Manado (manado porridge) as I requested. The super hot chilly sauce accompanied it made me can't stop eating. So i kept eating and eating till my mom warned me: HEY!! A GIRL SHOULD NOT EAT THAT MUCH!!! But I know she didn't mean it.....because for lunch she cooked Tinoransak (super hot pork in manado style). My favourite. Well guys....I did eat a LOT. In Surabaya you all already said that I have bigger stomach capacity than my small body should, so I guess you will be surprised on how bigger the capacity suddenly become here.

I'm just so happy to be able to eat my mom's cook again. I know I already gain a few kgs in these two days. Hehehehe.....sorry Hiro, I know you hate me being fat m(_ _)m.

I'm homeeeeeeee

I could feel my hear beat faster as the plane got closed to the land. I could see Manado city from above. Clearly. Really clearly. I can even point some famous buildings and streets easily.
Then my heart jumped when I saw my brother, Yosis, waiting for me outside the departure gate. He looks matured already. I wanted to tease him by giving him a hug, but he gave me the don’t-touch-me look. Hahaaha. Then I told him that I missed him, he blushed and smiled shyly. I know I have to treat him as a man, not a boy anymore; but I just can’t help it. He’s still my dearest little yosis.

My father was fixing his car when I arrived. He was so speechless when suddenly I popped up in front of him by saying: “Hello mister, how are you?”. He gave me twice kisses on my forehead. I knew he almost cried while he asked why I didn’t tell him that I’m coming. He looked older and thinner, with darker skin. I know life is not easy anymore for him, and wrinkles at his face showed how stressed he is struggling for his kids.

My mom didn’t see my coming. She was cooking, and then screamed wildly when she saw me grinning behind her. Yosis laughed out loud seeing her reaction. She was so happy to see me again, but a second later she shouted at Yosis and blamed him of keeping secret from her. Agnes, heard the noise from bathroom, went out only with big towel covering her body in surprised. She hated not to be the first person who knew about my coming.

How I missed my family. I’m so happy being at home again. I told my mom the list of food I want to eat during my short stay here, and to my surprise, I only got vegetable as my lunch because today is Good Friday (and Catholic don’t eat meat for respecting it…ouch!!). hahahaha. I completely forgot about this Good Friday and ate chicken at the plane!

Then we went to church together. I can’t remember when the last time we went to church together was. Perhaps when I was in Junior high. It’s nice to be at home, though at first felt bit surprised knowing how I almost forget the way they quarrelling. They do quarrelling quite a lot. Especially my brother and my father. They had completely different ideas in their minds. Phew…..I had to beg my brother to keep calm during my stay.

We had dinner together while chatting and laughing. I’m so happy. Everything is different now. Life changed, and I’m surprised to see the reality by my own eyes now. But they still tease each other and laugh together, (or then end up with quarrelling ahahaha). I enjoyed every conversation I had with them.

We have a white dog named “dogol” (Banjarese word, means stupid”), and a black 1.5 months puppy named “princess”; 3 fat rabbits; and around 30 white mice for my brother’s lab experiments!!! hahaahaha

So here I am….in front of my brother’s PC. If I take a deep breath, I can smell the familiar aroma from my childhood in this room. Hmmmm…….I’m homeeeeeeeeeeeee

Still....I do....

Today I lost a close friend. He's leaving to a very far place. It's so hard to say goodbye. Just a short sms for him. I'm not even sure whether we could still communicate or not. Hope your life will be happy, and your love life will be as what you expected.

Hmmmm, but today the lucky angel was really beside me. The documents needed was just ready on time, and I got the ticket 30 minutes before the consulate closed. Phiuh.......

And tomorrow I'm leaving to Manado. Felt nervous now....This would be a surprise visit to my family. Only my brother knows and he will be the one to pick me up at the airport. I'm waiting forward to see my mom and dad's faces seeing me in front of the house hehehehehe *excited*

Just now.....I got this heavy feeling inside my chest, made me lost my breath for few minutes. I do miss him.....

Uno Stacko

Suddenly our internet connection got trouble. Got stucked and had nothing to do; to avoid more bad mood arouse; Denny, Nyo and I played Uno Stacko.

We played three times. And Denny lost at all the games!!!! When he re-arranged the game, I decided not to continue. Too easy to win from Denny = not challenging at all heheehehe

So guys...

Denny the smart ass, Ragnarok Online Star, Winner at all online games: is a loser in UNO STACKO!!

Hahahahaha.......another evidence that actually you always win because you hack the games, Den! *wink*

I lost it?

Last night I couldn't sleep well. Something is disturbing my mind.

Oh how I hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So can be predicted that this whole day my face is like a devil. And a cup of coffee couldn't keep my eyes awake, so sorry to some friends for harsh words I said. I can understand if you guys said that I'm mentally disturbed *grin*.
Anyway I was trying to make fun of my day. Just to forget what was so disturbing last night. It's helping that I got good news for my plan next week, eventhough I had to postpone my manado trip for a day. Hopefully tomorrow I can manage to settle things. Hopefully tomorrow the lucky angel would stay by my side [praying mode: ON].

I realised that I lost one important thing last night: MY SELF-CONFIDENCE

Just a little story about sloppy imoet

This evening I got sms from my boss.

"Shierly, I can't send important fax. What's wrong with the number?"

I was not at CDU anymore, so I tried to find out. I called all the office numbers from the CDMA phone. No sound......So weird....I just bought the earphone. And a minute before it worked properly. Why?!

I got so irritated. Is it the signal again? or is there something wrong at my office building's phone line?

Unpatiently then I grabbed my handphone to send "angry" sms to my colleague. And then I found out...........The earphone sticked at my right ear is the ipod's earphone. not the phone's earphone!! Hahahahaa...stupid me.

Malang Trip

Last Saturday I went to Malang to attend Caroline's wedding with some friends. We stayed at a cheap but nice hotel in Batu, about 30-45 minutes drive from Malang. We divided the groups into two: the girls in Nyo's car, and the guys in Ardi's car.

The party was so greeny decorated. Caroline is a unique type person, so predicted already that she would come up with something unique on her wedding. She looked so happy and beautiful in her white wedding gown. Happy for her.......hope you'll be happy with your new life, friend!

It was a big party, but we sat at the back table.....so couldn't get zoomed picture of the couple


Caroline and Michael - the happy bride

Too bad that I got cold at that night. So after got massage from Nyo, I felt into deeeeep sleep while the other friends were having fun until dawn. Hmmmmm I missed the fun part!!!!!! But I felt much better the next day. Thanks to Nyo *wink*

Then Joan visited us at the hotel with her 3-months-old baby. Still beautiful as I could remember. The baby is so cute, really is like her father. And as described by Vei before.....she has interesting standing-hair!! I do believe she'll grow up into beautiful girl.


Me and Alicia - Joan's baby

We went to Malang afterwards. Ate the spicy bakso bakar, and continued to vei's house. Eating again there hehehe. Vei's mom cooked the kangkung pedas and ikan asin goreng. Our favourite!! As we got our stomach full, we went to Istana Dieng club house; playing bowling and go-kart.

It was really fun. Really really fun. I could forgot my boring routine at Surabaya. Especially because we have this pregnant spoilt DeeJay. Who is always "true" and want to be served by anybody at the first place. Wait until you got your baby delivered, young lady!! *HO HO HO*


Together - minus Iyan & Okta

Listening to: When you love someone

When you love someone - you’ll do anything
You’ll do all the crazy things that you can’t explain
You’ll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

You’ll deny the truth - believe a lie
There’ll be times that you’ll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights - have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone - you’ll feel it deep inside
And nothin else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone...

When you love someone - you’ll sacrifice
You’d give it everything you got and you won’t think twice
You’d risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
You’ll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone


By accident I listened to this song this morning. Then it answered everything.........*sigh*
But.....
If someone loves you, he wouldn't do things that make you cry, right?
If someone loves you, he would respect you, right?
If someone loves you, he shouldn't lie to you, right?
If someone loves you, he won't think twice to make you happy, right?
If someone loves you, he'd never be enough of you, right?

Someone said he loves me.......I do believe at once. But......(_ _o)

Well, actually I just can't understand love. Why is it so hard to love someone? Why even when you love someone deeply still you can't resist temptation? Why love can close your logic and being so stupid? Why is there always pain in a relationship? Also...., why is it so easy to play with someone's love? How could people say "i love you" but also enjoying doing affairs? Even people can be so MEAN to someone they love.
Not being hyprocryte.....it happens to almost everybody. To me, and perhaps to almost all of you who read this blog.

Who to blame then? The blind cupid who shoots the arrows to the wrong hearts?

Quoting from a friend:
Person you love would be the one who hurt you MOST
But there would be always forgiveness for him/her. WOULD IT BE ALWAYS?

*sigh*

Stingy...oh...stingy....

It's so famous that Dutch people are very stingy. The term "go dutch" which means "paying by yourself" - when you're going out together with your friends- is the appraisal for the Dutch of being stingy.

When I visited the Netherlands, a Dutch colleague told me that even for a couple, each person have to pay their own meal if they go on a date; and would be better if the girl pays for the guy. Hmmmm I feel so lucky that I'm not a Dutch girl hehehe.

The Dutch university where I work has projects, in cooperation with Petra University, in which several Dutch students doing their internship, exchange or double degree. In my eyes, these Dutch students chose to come to Indonesia because this is such a nice cheap country. Where they can enjoy higher level life but cost them less than if they live in the Netherlands.

I know this one student. So handsome and outstanding. He rented a big house in Surabaya and pays a lot for that. I thought it's a usual thing, since he's a foreigner. But my colleague Tina was so surprised. Especially when she heard the explanation of this guy: "Well, I can enjoy better life: big house with several rooms; rather than what i have in Haarlem: tiny room with oh-so-tiny bathroom -at the same price".

I was wondering why Tina was so surprised, since his explanation DID make sense. Until today.....

There were 2 Dutch students came to Surabaya for one of our projects. They insisted to stay in the same room -the cheap one- so we thought that they were couple. In fact...they are not couple. They just stayed together at that small room with no AC (even my room is better and more expensive!!!) to be able to save money. In fact from Dutch government they get this quite big amount of money for their internship in Indonesia. I was surprised already.

Then we got an email. Several Dutch students will come again soon, so again they ask for the possibility to have CHEAP accomodation. I started to get used with their stingy habit....but this one student......he wrote this:

What about my accomodation? I think I want to stay at a very cheap accomodation. Could you please help me arrange it? I really want a CHEAP one...that's why I will bring a SLEEPING BAG from here..."

I was so speechless....

Oaaaaahhhmmmmmm

I woke up too early. 05:10. two hours before my alarm should ring. exhausted......

I know I'm imaginative. I used to make fun of it, laugh out loud with my own imagination. But not last night.....I have no idea whether it is my imagination or simply nightmare.

Exhausted...exhausted. But....Do I have enough courage to close my eyes tonight? What if those nightmares come again....? brrrr........

Ngantuk....Oaaaaahhhmmmmmm

Listening to: Phantom of the Opera

These days people in my office are so addicted to the OST of Phantom of the Opera. We have several versions of it downloaded, and put in the playlist. But how would you feel if you listen to it like more than 10 times a day?! The song is now kept moving around in my head!!!

But I like the song. It sounds so elegant for my ears, could let my blue feeling sway away. Though it becomes blue again as the song finished HAHAHA!

Today I started to re-arrange everything, right from the beginning again. Decision is the hardest thing to take, and I'm struggling for that. What a coinsidence that lots of things must be done at the office. Dealing with managerial things drives me crazy, especially that we have this one person so-hard-to-deal-with in the office. This is the first time I relieve to have him at the office. He could occupy my mind........with ANGER...hehehe.
The university in the Netherlands also drives my patience away. And communication by email is so hard, most of the time they don't take things as an important matter. And my boss will go to Sweden for a week -for holiday- AGAIN. Meanwhile we're in Surabaya needs someone there to have contact with. Gosh!

I wrote an email to my boss today asking permission for days off. I need to go for a while, really need to go..................

(_ _o)

Damn......It's not a dream!

itai..........

What a surprise I got today........

Reality sucks.....see? again it shot me right at my heart. But this time shot me, kicked me, stabbed me........have no idea how my heart looks like now. Maybe like a porridge? heart porridge, thick and red because of the blood soup.

Just after I tried to trust you. Just after I am trying so damn hard to believe the hope you offered me.

Why this happened to me....AGAIN....how could I handle it this time.....?

What Am I to you actually........? Did I ever have any place in your heart? To all that have happened, what am I to you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This is my HEART you're playing of, honey......

Help me...help me.............

Teach me how to dream

Imoet is my nickname, "dreamer" was my middle name. Daydreaming was my safe world, dreaming was my job, realising them was my purpose - kept me motivated, helped me being ambitious, taught me how to be strong.....

It was before I met you.

Now I lost it. I can't be myself. I did dreaming yet several times the reality shot me right on my chest. And even before it stopped bleeding, another realities punched and kicked it -again and again- till don't know when....perhaps till it forgets how to bleed.

How could I dare even to start a new dream.....? I don't even know how to.....

Teach me how to dream,
Help me make a wish......