Saturday, July 30, 2005


See the effect of having clumsy friends like Carla and Valens?!?!

Last night I washed my face using nipple cream (>_<)

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

About Promise and Trust

When I was small, I used to complain to my father if he had to work late.
I remember he always smiled and said "Papa had to make a living. If Shierly waits, everynight papa will go to your room, bring candy and listen to your story of the day".
It happened for years. I believe him and his promise. Little Shierly was a little girl with high hope, expectation, and belief on promises.
But of course it couldn't happen forever. I grew up, and many things happened. Life changed, I changed.

Once a friend said, that from me he learnt not to trust someone easily. I got insulted at that time. Am I that bad? But then I tried to put some of my life pieces together. A friend won't say such thing without any reason.

I got dissapointed for many times. Because of one sweet word called "promise", and one determination called "trust".
From my work where my eyes opened that business world is not a clean world. No easy trust to a promise if you want to fight your life there.
From some friends to whom I gave my trust but taking every aspects of me for granted.
From love that broke my heart several times yet keep giving me promises.
From my family to whom I did my best yet got no understanding back, but expect more and more from me. Without realising that I have my own life and had done enough to make them happy.
Even from myself, from my own acts, emotions, and unbelievably way of thinking.

Small promise is a big matter for me, but seems that for some people now promise is only some good words accidentally said to give me temporary good feeling. Since then I couldn't trust someone easily. I live in a world full of 'if' and 'if'

Anyway, I want to change. I want to learn to trust again. I want to forget the black spots in my heart. To those dark memories I said I've already put in a locked box but infact keep haunting me.

Therefore I still put this little hope on promise. I know from my experiences that a promise is so easy to say but not to realise. I want to have a hope again. So anyone who read this, please don't just give me the damn word. Don't break my effort when I'm just starting to try to trust people again.

If a small promise couldn't be kept, how can I rely on big promises? How can I build my trust again?

Monday, July 11, 2005


I went to Desperados last Saturday night with Arief, Carla and Vitria. It's been quite a while for me not hanging out at night. And indeed it's already different for me.

I have to order only AQUA since I'm not allowed to drink alcohol nor soda. And I only can sit down somewhere behind and watched my friends having fun on the dance floor.

It was my first time spending time sitting inside Desperados for a long time. The music was nice, but for me the satisfaction was not complete. And because I sat alone, some "aged" guys came and "offered" me either drink or bed. HUH. It ruined my mood a bit.

I used my time to look around me. To the stage where the band played the music and the singers sang attractively. To the dance floor where my friends danced crazily with happy smiles. To the bar where crowds of men drinking with each hugging a girl. To the table on my left hands where a chinese couple talked intimately. To my right table where an Indian kissing a girl in passion. And to the two Japanese guys in front of me with several girls touching them here and there.

Well well well. I laughed myself.

Men and Drinks and Women and Intimate touches, that probably ended in a hotel room. As far as I looked around, no single man sitting alone drinking. All with girls in their hands.

Is this how men having fun? I bet none of them remembered their wives and kids at home while they're in their own heaven there. And none of them would listen to any complaints from their wives hahaha.

What if a woman do the same? Want some fun by looking for a guy in a bar? Eventhough she only thinks that it is for FUN (as what men do), men will judge her negatively.

Another type of discrimination towards female! World is so unfair.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Make out with Brad Pitt

Since last Friday, I was a lone-and-horny pregnant woman. Well, I guessed hormonal thing was responsible for this.
I spent my bed rest time sleeping, eating and watching TV; and still drama comedy Friends came to my greatest interest. They just can make me laugh easily. The day before, I watched the story when Brad Pitt appeared as a guest actor. And then last Friday the story was when pregnant Rachel got her hormonal urges. Got horny on every guy she met -including Ross and Joey. It was sooo sooo funny.

I guessed then that story strengthen my mind that this happens to every pregnant woman. That during this time their needs is even bigger on this matter. I told my husband about this, but alas, he's just so far far away to satisfy me. So this thing was going around inside my head for several days.

But this morning I woke up with satisfied smile. Hohohoho. I got a very very satisfying dream. I made out with Brad Pitt!!! His face was so clear in my mind, his smile is haunted me the whole day, even I still can feel him in my arm. His face was fresh as seen in Friends, but was as sexy as seen in Troy and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. In my dream he was a perfect combination of a gorgeous, strong, smart, hot and sexy man. It was the best dream I've ever had for sure hahahahaha

Oh I feel sooooooo goooood (^__^).