Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Being punished yet feeling beautiful

Can't believe I have to go through this. Being punished to stay ON MY BED - except for toilet urges - for 5 days!!! This is the first day, and I feel like dying already. Being pregnant and being active are two contradictive things. I'd love being active pregnant woman yet my baby seems doesn't like the idea.

Hiro said that our baby is just being naughty. Hmmmm...maybe she's just dancing inside listening to HIP HOP music I love to listen to? hahaha. But today I didn't listen to any of those noisy music. Just lying on the air-bed in front of TV. Or the pain in my stomach today was her laughing badly while watching the-funniest-ever Donald Duck on Disney channel?!

I know I'm complaining a lot and fussy about lots of unnecessary things. Sometimes I feel thats it is sooo difficult carrying a baby. That my body could probably not be able to manage. That I couldn't do things I love as much as before. That I couldn't eat my favourite food and drinks but stick to the healthy eating habit rules. That I have to face lots of "Don't"s. That even I have to reduce my walking speed. That I have to drink those smelly milk. That made me wanting RAMBUTAN badly but can't have even one at this season. That forbids me satisfying myself using squating toilet (hehehe...u know what i mean here). That changes my world and habit upside down. That now I become more sensitive and emotional than ever. That makes me now sitting helplessly on my bed alone the whole day.

But...Those negative feelings were gone in a second I saw the USG monitor. Watching my baby's heart beat blinking. Watching how life already can be seen on the tiny little thing there. 37 mm long now.

Amongst those tiring complaints written beforehand.....it is indeed beautiful having something alive inside me (^__^)

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Last technical meeting

These two days I was responsible for handling the technical meetings for enrolled students in Surabaya. Students from Surabaya and Malang came to our office together, being introduced to each other. Suddenly my office became crowded of highschool students with happy and exciting faces, looking forward for their experience to the Netherlands.

I got this strange feeling when I was being in the middle of those students. I dont know.....somewhat my "teacher" feeling came strongly out of sudden. It been quite a while not interacting directly with the students in a group, and by my surprise, I found out that it's still as EXCITING as always. With high school students and their unique characters, with their naughty comments and also their shy smiles. I'd always love to talk in front of them, watching the bright and blinking eyes focused on me.

This would be my last technical meeting with the students. I won't even got the chance to meet some other students from other cities in Indonesia because my inability to fly now. I do talk with them regularly by phone or email, but I always want to meet them in person; and give them the best suggestion for their further life in the far far country. This year also I won't accompany them to the Netherlands. I won't see those happy yet sad faces leaving their homeland country. Still clear in my memory, the sight of international airport with the students crying to their parents and friends, saying goodbye to each other.
I also won't accompany those kids exploring Amsterdam streets, exploring their first days in colleage, facing Holland's strong winds together, running out of breath catching the train or metro, or trying some new foods.

It was my last technical meeting. Once it finished it left me hard feeling inside. Sometimes I laugh for some silly questions from the students, but these silly questions made them special in my heart. Unique Indonesian high school students.

Well, these are the last months for me to do things I love to, and I am good at. Then I won't be able anymore........(_ _o)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Bad Taxi Day

Since I knew about my pregnancy, hopelessly I had to say goodbye to my motorbike, and count on taxi as my main transportation mean. Expensive, but I don't want to risk my baby by moving around Surabaya using motorbike.

So as usual, this morning I went to the office by taxi. Unfortunately, I got a bad driver. He drove recklessly, made me want to vomit and lost my appetite as I arrived at the office.

And then after work I have to go to doctor. Again I got a wrong taxi. The AC was freezing that I can move my finger badly. I asked the driver to raise the temperature, but the maximum temperature was still freezing.

After doctor, I called a taxi again. I wished I got better taxi, but the taxi came was the same taxi I rode before. So....must be patient again being in a freezing taxi until Tunjungan Plaza. Phew.

And....as the title of this posting. The taxi we took from TP is even worse. The worst of the day. The AC was freezing as well, and the driver drove really really bad. At first Vei and I planned to go to Cafe Pisa first to reserve a table for our Saturday night dinner, but we changed our mind. Go home directly was the best decision. My head was spinning, and my stomach was really awfull. As I arrived at the apartment, I vomitted all the the dinner I had in TP before. HOEKK.

And because of that taxi, I'm still awake this late in dizziness. Just finished watching DVD "Racing Stripes" and now could manage connecting to internet from home for the first time.

Once I laid on the bed, my world will spin even worse, and I would feel like vomitting again.....Huks huks huks. Bad Taxi Day....

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Rm. Yohannes vs Brad Pitt

Last week my aunt and my cousins kept pushing me to attend the adoration lead by Rm Yohannes. Rm Yohannes is a famous figure of Catholic Charismatic church in Indonesia. When I was in my early year at uni, I was pushed to believe, and regularly went to Tumpang (kind of sacred place nearby Malang). I was still so young and weak and too afraid to say no. It was long long time ago. I still believe in GOD. Of course I praise him for blessing me whole of my life, but my way is just already different than how I used to be. I may not a good Catholic, but I believe GOD in my own way.

Unfortunately those fanatics people couldn't just let me be this way. That's why they kept urging me to join them. I've tried to explain them softly, failed. I did decline strongly, failed. So at last i have no choice than RUN AWAY. *grin*

The adoration was held last night. I told my aunt and my cousin that I had lots of works in the office. That I had to work overtime. Great. They stopped contacting me. Then I felt free last night to go to Supermall to see movie: Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

SURPRISINGLY. There I found out that the adoration was taken place at Supermall, just nearby the cinema!!!! So I had to do this hide and seek to avoid meeting my aunt and cousins accidently. It started just before the movie began, and finished almost the same time with the movie. I ran ran and ran to avoid those people coming out of the ballroom from the adoration. Hiiiii Couldn't imagine if I got caught!!!

Well....If I have to choose between Rm. Yohannes and Brad Pitt...?! You know my answer. I hate being hypocrite. That's why I write it bluntly here. I couldnt stay in that room, looking at people crying, falling down on the floor, screaming, talking in so-called-god language, sometimes wildly act like animals. I'm scared. SCARED. If you guys have DIFFERENT opinion here, please keep it for yourself. Coz' I have the right to have my own opinion about this kind of service to God, or ceremony, or mass -whatever you call it.


Anyway, the movie was super. Four thumbs for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Akhir-akhir ini

Aduh akhir-akhir ini aku kok jadi super malas ya.
Bangun tidur malassssnyaaaa ampun2. Tapi kalo diranjang gitu matanya udah melek. Ini pasti karena kerjaanku tinggal satu deh. Penyakit malas jadi kuat banget.
Bukan cuma malas bangun tidur. Juga malas ngomong, malas duduk, malas jalan, malas baca, malas kerja, malas ngeblog, apa lagi lihat barang2ku di apartment baru. Malas banget buat ngebongkar n nyusun2 lagi. duh...

Baru tadi pagi aku bongkar tas gede n nyusun2 baju2 di lemari. Buku-buku beserta pernak pernik dan dokumen penting masih didalam kardus. Gak tau kardus yang mana. Jadi satu semua. Kumasukin kedalam gudang. Setidaknya setelah barang2 itu masuk gudang, apt-nya jadi tampak sepeti real apt hihihi.

Oh yaaa....aku udah pindahan. Sedih juga pas ngosongin kamar kostku yang mini itu. Banyak kenangan juga disana, dan sebenarnya aku udah feel nyaman dikamar yang khas bauku itu -bau bedak bayi campur minyak telon hehehe. Tapi yah, udah merit. Pindahan ke apt ini salah satu perubahan dahsyat dalam hidupku.

Aku sekarang tinggal di Puri Darmo. Ditemenin si Vei. Rumah pertamaku. Minggu lalu abis shopping besar2an buat ngisi keperluan2 rumah. Hihihi jadi ibu rumah tangga nih. Cuma ini belum dengan kewajiban ngurus n masak suami.

Hummm ngantuk. Tuh kan...malasku kumat. Udah ah, mo siap2 pulang.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


I got diarrhoea today. Kept me awoke last night. Ruined my mood the whole day. But didn't dare to take any medicine because of my home tester result.

So I decided to go to doctor (the one recommended by ella: her father). Accompanied by Vei.
He gave me prescription, and suggested me only to have white porridge with soy sauce for my meals, till the diarrhoea stopped.

Then....I told him my case...bla...bla...bla....till he lead me onto the USG table. And....you guys won't be able to imagine how I felt when he pointed to one tiny black object. 13 mm size. I couldn't stop my happy tears when I told Hiro by phone about this.

There.....our baby is...... the tiny black spot on the printed USG result

our tiny baby

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Boring free time

I got used to work about 12 hours a day. I enjoyed my busy time very much. Well, beside being busy and got pretty good amount of salary, I don't have much free time left. Free time = money spending.

But now that I already stopped working at Excellogix, I have 8 hours extra free time a day!!!!!!

Maybe you guys think that it would be nice just relaxing at home. BUT I was dying already yesterday. At my FIRST day of working only for 4 hours per day. Really don't know what to do.......

It's almost 4:00 pm right now. But don't feel like going home. I know I have to pack my stuffs for moving out this weekend, but the lazy virus is soooo strong. And I can't concentrate to read some novels. Also not interested to the TV programmes. Plus I couldn't sleep that early.

So....pity me just laying on the bed. With my mind flying here and there. BORING GITU LOOHHH

Monday, June 06, 2005

Masih malu

Sekarang lagi pengen posting pake bahasa Indonesia ah.....

Sesuai judul, sekarang aku lagi tersipu-sipu abis baca imel dari mertua nih hehehehe
Terus terang aku masih kerasa aneh banget. Tiba-tiba ada orang-orang baru dalam hidupku. Lebih-lebih aku kudu panggil mereka ama panggilan akrab papa-mama. Hueeeeee

Tiap kali baca or ngetik kata2 itu, jadi malu sendiri. Mukaku rasanya panas, dan warnanya pasti udah merah deh. Rasanya aneeeh gitu lowhhhh. Kaku banget mau bilang papa-mama ke mereka. Waktu ketemu di Jepang aja aku gak nyebut mama-papa sama sekali. Rasanya kata-kata itu nyandet di tenggorokanku. Gak sopan amat yah. Baru trus di imel aja aku berani nulis. Dengan jari berat (dan hati beraatt karena malu). Tapi ternyata reaksi mereka yang seneng banget bikin aku tambah tersipu sipu. Campur aduk seneng ama malu hihihihi.

Ada mama-papa baru, ada sodara2 baru, keponakan2 baru. Juga punya nama baru. Bayangin betapa merahnya aku pas tadi siang Hiro bilang: "kamu istriku, shierly kondo ne..." hihihi (kyaaa sekarang jadi merah lagi nih!!)

Hmm...entah kapan aku terbiasa.....


Lately I feel so moody
Something always goes wrong
In a second I could be very happy.
but at another second my mood ruined already.

I feel pain all over my body.
Also feel tired, feel sleepy, feel lazy.
Where's the ambitious imoet?
Today everything goes even worse in the office.


What's going on with me?
I want to scream
I want to cry loudly
Yet want to laugh badly
My head feels like blowing up

Huks huks huks....

I dont like this

Friday, June 03, 2005

A week ago


Still can't believe it. I'm married already!!!! Exactly a week ago.

The process was so fast and so easy. I still feel weird. Really I do!! I feel no difference, but indeed it is different now. I'm no longer for myself. I belong to somebody else. All the actions and decisions made must have consideration for my other's half. I couldn't behave as what I used to be. I'm married. MARRIED. Look at our wedding rings!

wedding rings

But......deep inside I feel so happy. And so touched because I felt so welcomed in Japan. Hiro's boss arranged a small party for us with his colleagues. Surprisingly unexpected. They welcomed me, happy with our marriage, and spoilt us with lots of presents. After the party Hiro warned me: "Don't cry Shierly! or I will!"......It was such an unforgetable moment ever....

And I met his family too. Such a warm family. His mother cooked a special red bean rice -only eaten at special occasions like wedding-. She is such a great cook. Dunno if I could cook that way (^__-). At first I felt worried to see them, but they DID welcome me in a very nice way. I was really touched. They are even learning English now!! Hehehe I do hope next time we could communicate better.

I'll do my best for my new family. I'll give all my love for my husband and my future kid. That now we're still separated, I'll use the time maximally with my friends and family. After I move out from Indonesia, everything will be even more different. I have to be ready. But I'm so sure. With Hiro by myside. Nothing can scare me away.

Thursday, June 02, 2005


Today I felt so touched

Suddenly my kadiv gave message through YM. "Come downstair now. we'll have meeting".
I closed my computer and walked slowly downstair. But W.O.W!!!.........everybody was clapping hands, gathering around a big table with complete set of Javanese tumpeng.

I was speechless. I didn't expect this on my first working day back here. They were celebrating my wedding.......and also my farewell.

Oh yes. After 4.3 years working at Excellogix aka. Alto, starting from next Monday I will resign. Another surprise for my boss and colleagues here, so sorry, but life is full of surprises, and I always love to be one hehehe.

Thank you for the "farewell words" from all of you. I know I have this "spcial negative trademark" here, but hehehehe no problem guys. I always love to be different. I'm proud of being "mesum imoet". I'm sure you won't forget me in that way.

I won't forget those time we spent together here. Really......

Thanks for the gift. I will bring it wherever I go around following my husband.

I'll still be in Surabaya for several months, so I'd love to meet you again. And when I send my invitation later on, I DO expect to see ALL of you at my party!! [ngancam mode: ON]

Hiks hiks.....feel so touched. feel like crying......