When I was small, I used to complain to my father if he had to work late.
I remember he always smiled and said "Papa had to make a living. If Shierly waits, everynight papa will go to your room, bring candy and listen to your story of the day".
It happened for years. I believe him and his promise. Little Shierly was a little girl with high hope, expectation, and belief on promises.
But of course it couldn't happen forever. I grew up, and many things happened. Life changed, I changed.
Once a friend said, that from me he learnt not to trust someone easily. I got insulted at that time. Am I that bad? But then I tried to put some of my life pieces together. A friend won't say such thing without any reason.
I got dissapointed for many times. Because of one sweet word called "promise", and one determination called "trust".
From my work where my eyes opened that business world is not a clean world. No easy trust to a promise if you want to fight your life there.
From some friends to whom I gave my trust but taking every aspects of me for granted.
From love that broke my heart several times yet keep giving me promises.
From my family to whom I did my best yet got no understanding back, but expect more and more from me. Without realising that I have my own life and had done enough to make them happy.
Even from myself, from my own acts, emotions, and unbelievably way of thinking.
Small promise is a big matter for me, but seems that for some people now promise is only some good words accidentally said to give me temporary good feeling. Since then I couldn't trust someone easily. I live in a world full of 'if' and 'if'
Anyway, I want to change. I want to learn to trust again. I want to forget the black spots in my heart. To those dark memories I said I've already put in a locked box but infact keep haunting me.
Therefore I still put this little hope on promise. I know from my experiences that a promise is so easy to say but not to realise. I want to have a hope again. So anyone who read this, please don't just give me the damn word. Don't break my effort when I'm just starting to try to trust people again.
If a small promise couldn't be kept, how can I rely on big promises? How can I build my trust again?