Thursday, May 17, 2007

What should I do?

Both my brother and sister are doctors now. My brother just got partial scholarship for master education as a thorax surgeon, meanwhile my sister will go to Papua to dedicate her knowledge there. I'm proud of them, and most of all, of my parents. After 1998 economic crisis, we lost almost everything. We're not a rich family. My father is a bemo driver now yet he works really really hard to complete his dream for his children. It was almost impossible. I told my father to stop his ambition. But when he told me that education was the only thing he could give to his children. If he stopped before they're graduated, he would feel that he failed. Failed as a father. I tried to understand and worked 12 hours everyday in Surabaya to support them.

Now they've graduated. Isn't it time for my father to relax now? I thought so, but then my brother told me about that partial scholarship. Well, eventhough "partial", he still needs A LOT of money. Let's say 7000 USD for the first payment with total tuition fee about USD 28,000. Impossible. For Indonesian it's a lot of money. Especially for not a rich family like mine. I told them it would be very difficult.

He's a doctor already. I think it's already a big modal to start earning his future. It's time for my father to take a rest. It's time for my brother to make his own life. If he wanted to study he could work first to collect the money. I talked to him, to my parents, even to my sister. To my surprise they also wanted him to continue his study. No matter how difficult it would be, they will try their best. Even my sister said she would support him as well from what she would earn in Papua. They just need to sell the land in Jakarta, and all the financial problem would be solved.

The thing is, it's not easy to sell a land. How long have they been trying to?! And at the end now they expect me to lend the money.....
I want them to see reality. I want my brother to earn his own life now, not just expecting for helps and miracles to come. So I decided to refuse. Besides Hiro has helped them a lot. I don't have any heart to ask that amount of money from him. He also works hard and wants to enjoy his life. My family problem is not his responsibility. I may sound like a cruel sister, but I believe its for my brother's own sake.

I thought it would stop him. Nope. He's going to go to Papua for a few with my sister to work. He wants to collect as much money as he could to be able to join the class in December. But he hasn't got any news from the hospital in Papua, so what he could do is waiting. Waiting for the news from the hospital and miracle that the land could be sold really fast. My mother will also go to Jakarta next week, to work at a relative's restaurant. Meanwhile my father stays in Manado, working days and nights. So does my sister. They work hard, save money, eat the cheapest food. To collect that impossible amount of money before December. While keep praying and hoping that someone would buy our land in Jakarta.

It breaks my heart.
I live a good life here and I eat the best food. Thinking of my family makes me sad.

Beforehand I planned to go home this summer. I miss them. Terribly. I want to show my little boy to them. But in this kind of situation, I look like a big sister who can spend thousands dollars to come to Manado but doesn't want to help her brother.

What should I do.............??? I can't let this matter out of my mind. I feel like my head is going to explode.


NoorIntan said...

it's a hard situation...
i think sometimes people missing a point of being educated to earn money.. not spending more money including making the whole family work to get that dream title...
i admire your parents especially your father who willing to work hard for his children..
you are right saying that this is not Hiro's responsibility, especially that he's helped them many times... on the other hand you still feel responsible seeing everyone's trying hard to collect money and you do nothing...

i hope you will find a way to resolve this matter, i'm sorry that i can't really help since i've never been in this situation (yet. my younger brother's 13. the most money he's ever asked was for playstation 2)...

Sheila said...

I'm very sorry for you :-(
I can't believe Yosis, being the golden boy of the family, is STILL doing the same thing as he is used to, I mean, he's a doctor now and that should mean some independence!

You know my younger bro studies med as well and I'd start going ballistic if he ever puts the family in such situation.

I think you should start talking to your bro personally, I mean, it's NOT a partial scholarship if it still cost that much... it's simply a DISCOUNT or rabate from the impossible amount.

My dad used to work 10 years in Mollucas (I was brought up and I grew up in Maluku for 7 years, remember?) to be able to afford his specialist studies (and to earn money for his family without working), and if some people are able to do it, your bro should be able to earn money as well, without having to be dependent to your parents, right?

If he didn't get the "so-called scholarship" now, he'd still have time to collect the money and pursue the specialization in 3-4 years, wouldn't he?

It's a matter of time and patience and a little effort, can't you talk to your brother and make him see your point?
Hope this advice works (though I know it sounds lame....)

Anonymous said...

I understand your situation. Yet, I still think that you need to help your bro. Because you can. You said that you eat the best food and have a good life there.

First of all, you need to talk to your bro that he needs to learn to be more independent or course. But, If I were you, I will sacrifice a little (maybe I will not go on a 'big vacation' and give the money to help him realize his dream. Because a good chance like getting partial schoolarship might not come twice.

However, the decision is in your hand.


miss a said...

My advice is the same, with some added points. I think you should talk personally to your brother. He needs to work first not just to earn the money, but also for some working experience and reputation. A best friend of mine once was hospitalized, and to see the specialized doctor in charge was so young, I was nervous and all of us doubted his ability. I mean, you can't do great job and convince people only with theories, right? You also need lots of experience to be successful.

Carla said...

you're not a cruel sister. i think it's right not to help his education when he himself doesn't do any particular thing in funding his own education. doing so doesn't make you a bad sister, shier. he's the one who has to understand that he can't always depend on other people his whole life. no matter how many and how respectful degrees he will have later in his life, he's nothing if he can't support himself starting from RIGHT NOW.

NoorIntan said...

i can't help but thinking about your situation Moet.

i think your brother needs to grow up and try to start supporting his family (especially his parents) instead keep asking them to work for his education. don't feel bad about how well you eat and that you can afford holiday, you've earned it! you have done the part of supporting him, too.

besides Hiro works hard to provide you and Iki, he's got nothing to do with your brother's education... it is NOT your obligation, don't feel bad about it. besides, you don't earn money at the moment, you are raising your son. it's Hiro's money, and your brother (and your family) should realise that.. you may have some spare money now, but don't you want to save it for Iki's future education, health fund, property?

i think refusing to help Yossi isn't a selfish act, it is very sensible and don't feel bad about it (easier than done)..

i wish you the best :)

imoet said...

wow....thank you all for the responses and suggestions. Really made me feel much much better.

I talked personally to my brother. He said he's allright if I couldn't help (of course in dissapointed tone), but they (my family as well) said that they still will try their best for him.

The good news is that someone SAID that he will buy our land in Jakarta. it's like a miracle in this messy situation. The decision would be on the 1st june. Besides I'm still advertising it everywhere on the internet, also calling some brokers in Jakarta. This one interested guy is one of the advertisement reader. I will keep doing this. I told them it's the only thing I could help.

I would probably go home if the land matter solved early June. I need to talk to them, introduce my son, and give Hiro a vacation (he's working hard that I couldn't sacrifice his vacation for my brother. he helped him a lot already to be a doctor. it's not his business anymore to make him a surgeon!).

Thanks again. I'm not feeling guilty anymore reading all your comments. *Hugs hugs hugs*

meknowlittle said...

so sorry being late to read your updated news. being watched by my superiors these months.

glad to hear the progress aka solution. been in similar situation with you (hope it help to ease you). i'm willing to help my bro, but he must earn some of the college fee by himself (enter ITS this year). though family and sibling feel like its their responsibility to help, but this doesnt make it as an obligation. bukannya tega, tp ngajari org supaya mandiri. itu kl kita msh ada. nah kl kelak sudah gak ada yg bisa bantuin, gmn coba?

i've learnt that life teach us sometimes in a hard way. through that we can REALLY learn and understand things.

alah kok jadine kotbah. hiehehe..
miss u much, gal. very very glad to know that u'r ok, got new friends and manage to go through all the problems. same with me here.