Friday, October 26, 2007

"It's your fault!!"

It was warm today so I brought Iki to the big park this morning. As usual there were no other children there at such time so Iki enjoyed playing by himself. It's like that he owned the whole park.

Then a woman came. Out of sudden she approached Iki and greeted him. Iki, who doesn't like stranger, went away. She kept following him so at last Iki's mood was ruined and just stood behind the slide quietly. I felt pity for him so I took him to the airplane model toy and let him play there by himself. She couldn't disturb him at such a small and high place :p

Then she talked to me. She understood English a little, and my Korean is not that bad anymore so we could communicate pretty well. She asked why Iki was so afraid of stranger. I told her that Iki is a shy and sensitive boy. She told me that Iki is a boy that he shouldn't act like that. And as a mother, it's definitely my fault. She said that it's because I didn't bring him out enough and stayed at home all the time instead.

I was like...WTF!! Everyday we go out. Everyday we play at the park and go shopping. Iki plays with some people he is familiar with, like our apartment security guard, yakult seller, supermarket staffs and cashier, and the postman. It's just that he needs some time to get used with new people.

Again she insisted that still a boy MUST not be as shy as Iki. I must join mothers club and Iki must go to nearby preschool so that he could interact with other children of his age.
Well, I met some mothers at the park regularly. But we have language barrier, and some just looked down on me once they know I'm Indonesian. So our occasional meetings never continued any further.
I also brought Iki to department store's playground, local children library, and to the parks. Lots of children there, but Iki still avoided them and prefer to play by himself. I couldn't force him to play if he doesn't want to. It would make him even scared of other people.

Still she didn't want to accept my explanation. At last, still pointing out that it's my fault, she said that it might be because I don't teach Korean to Iki. It made Iki unfamiliar with people speaking in Korean that he got scared of them.
She might be true in this case. Iki didn't have any problem with new people in Indonesia and Japan. Language matter could be the reason. But it's already hard enough for Iki to cope with 3 languages at a time so he got speaking delayed. In addition, how am I supposed to teach him Korean if I myself don't master it?!
And still she said that it's my fault. I didn't learn Korean well (@_@)
At the end she wanted to bring Iki to Korean preschool. So that Iki could socialize with other children and learn Korean language and culture.

Ha?!?! I mean, WHO THE HELL IS SHE?! blaming me over my son's character and wanting to take over my son's education??!!! I grumbled to Iki as we walked home.
Papa-chan was a shy boy as well. And until Junior high school I used to be a scared shy girl too. At the end both of us became one of the world's narcist people :p

But then....when I enjoyed my hot tub alone and thought about this matter, I started questioning myself....what if she's correct?! What if it's my fault.......?!



Tell me...Is it really my fault?!

8 comments:

benova said...

weleh...ya sudah biarkan saja orang itu. Mungkin jg Iki masih malu ama org yg msh baru buat dia. Lagipula baguslah Iki bisa mbedain org yg msh strange buat dia, kan bisa hati2 gituh loh klo di Indonesia kan sdg rawan penculikan *ga nyambung hehehe*.
Klo ngajar 3 bahasa maaak, lgpula Iki kan ga setrsnya jg di Korea. Ntar waktunya sekolah jg lama2 dia bisa berbaur.
Kiyo juga tuh kalo bny orang en suasana rame gituh ga suka. Malah nangis hihihi.
Sok banget sih orang itu, ntar jg ada waktunya Iki msk sekolah kan.
Owyah, ada nih guru bhs Jepangnya Benny, dia pny anak kasihan loh, abis guru ini sering pindah2 tempat di Indo, di Jepang, Nepal dll, jadi anaknya skg ga bisa baca Kanji, bhs Indo jg ga bgs2 amat, Inggris jg ga bgs amat..jd bingung mau sekolah mana. Well, tp ini kan kasus ga smua sama sih. Cmn intermezzo hehehe.
Metode Glen doman itu ya pake flash card itu. Tapi katanya cuman tulisan saja, ukuran kertasnya *lupa*, warna pake merah, huruf kecil smua. Kalo beli aslinya bisa 2jt-an katanya hehehe. Kalo yg ikutan seminarnya bilang sih bukan ngarepin anaknya cpt ngomong gituh, tp diharapkan wkt ntar msk sekolah or waktunya baca, si anak ini udah familiar dg huruf huruf itu. Aslinya sejak umur 1bln diajarin gt. Tapi ini jg pro dan kontra. So..depend on you mau ngajarin anak sedini mgkn ato anak karbitan ..katanya sih, aku kan ikutan mailing mother and baby hehehe. So..ya bny denger2 kata2 ibu ibu lain.

yun said...

Enak aja org itu bilang gitu kekamu... emang dia siapa?? psikiater???
Pemalu (ato malu2in :P) itu khan karakter, so tiap org beda2.
Apalagi kamu khan sering bawa Iki keluar, kecuali kalo emang gak pernah keluar.. sekali keluar "kaget", tapi itu nanti bakal berubah kok.. terutama kalo udah masuk TK sering ketemu anak2 lain.
Lagian itu khan terserah kamu mo ngapain ama Iki, keluar ato diem dirumah khan gak ada urusan tuh nenek!!
Jadi emosi bayangin ketemu org macam gitu iihhhh najiss, dipisuhi coro soroboyoan ae mut :P

Sheila said...

IYAAAAAAA AKU JUGA BAKALAN PISSED OFF BANGET if anyone would approach me and tell me what to do with my kids and my life!!!
Hellooooooo??? Who the hell is she??? Lho Mut, kamu tuh ya lucu, you have convinced yourself all the way that this is the best way of teaching and raising Iki, you have told us all (AND YOURSELF) about the arguments that you actually take him out a lot and that little boy DOES meet people a lot, from the beginning when you took him to Lotte Dept. Store Kids' corner, to present time when you always take him out to play.

SO F**KIN WHAT if other people say otherwise??? It's none of that f**king old stupid Tante's business on how you raise a kid.

Kids are different. Their inside characters are built in a way that nobody understands. Some of them are born to be shy, perhaps it's in their genes (like Iki-chan and Papa-chan), perhaps it's merely and only their attitude and behaviour towards others. My ENTIRE family cannot be considered SHY; if anything, mamaku yang cerewet dan rameee bukan main itu sama sekali nggak shy, papaku is class' clown ribut juga, aku LHAAA NGGA USAH DITANYA cerewetnya, adikku??? Nakal, bandel, tukang jahil di kelas, tapi kalo ketemu orang, kamu ngga akan bisa ngorek apa2 dari mulut adikku.
Paling banter dia cuma salaman, bilang "Oscar" (namanya), trus diem mencep-mencep, bisu sampe kamu pulang!

It doesn't really depend on the multilingual actually. Just different characters.
My current boss, seperti yg aku pernah cerita, is raised in three languages, English (her dad), Italian (her mom), and German (her school + university).
And she has no problem with communication, so you shouldn't worry about Iki's ability to communicate and interact with people.


And NO; I don't agree kalo disekolahkan di Korea, buat apa??? he won't stay for long in the country, just like Nova said.
He won't remember the language, it will only give him obstacles and problems in acquiring his main languages as you planned: english, japanese, and indonesian.

So do what you think is best for you, and don't give a shit on what others say. Lain kali kalo ketemu itu nenek cerewet lagi, bilang: EXCUSE ME, this is my kid, this is my family and my way of educating my kid, I think I know what's best and what languages he should learn, and since you're not his mother, nor do you pay for his education, please get off my ass!!!!

a2pl3 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
a2pl3 said...

Mut...

Do what you think is best for Iki.

Yeah that would bothers me too, but then again she's NO-ONE in terms that she doesn't know your situation and all. Ignore her... :)

Later when Iki's ready and he has interest in languages, then you could encourage him to learn some other languages. :)

Think of her as those busybody people who may not able to see her own problem but could see others... Sadly in this world there are people like her! :)

Vivi said...

mungkin orang itu cuman mau promosi sekolahnya dia moet. emang dia ke taman bawa anaknya juga? ya jelas lah, umur se Iki ya pasti ada segen nya ketemu stranger gitu. udah lah gak usah dianggep, dasar orang korea aneh!

bilang aja laen kali, excuse me, have you no manners??

Dolphinrider said...

Hummm sudah sudah sabar ya.... yang tau situasimu hanyalah dirimu, if you think you already did everything good for him. Dan dia juga sudah cukup bisa bersosialisasi (dan lagi2 ini kau n hiro yang tau karena kalian yang tiap hari melihat perkembangannya) maka ....let it go. Bukannya kau nga boleh ngomel loh. It's every parents right to angry kalo anaknya di komentari jelek ama stranger. Cuman menurutku, ya sudahlah nga usa di bawa hati :p Think positif aja. Kita hidup juga di kelilingi orang lain,tetangga, teman2, sahabat, kadang kata2 mereka bisa mengingatkan kita kalau kita sedang lupa diri atau teledor. Biarlah itu menjadi masukan ya. Jangan di ambil hati. Take care :p

imoet said...

Wow...
thank you for the supporting comments.
yah...sekarang udah bisa berpikir lebih tenang jadi lain kali harusnya aku cuekin aja. Semua anak beda, aku gak akan maksa perkembangan Iki sesuai kemauanku, orang tua ya bantu aja. nanti kalo pindah ke Jepang mau coba masukin Iki ke preschool yang seminggu sekali :)