Two days ago I got information that Hiro is going to be sent to a country where he could not bring family for security reasons.
I knew it would happen sooner or later but still, knowing it myself was like a nightmare. But as a wife I must support him. He's leaving for our sake anyway. Dissapointed? Yes. But life must go on and I have to deal with the decision.
I have to decide where will I live with Iki when we're apart. Either in Indonesia or Japan. Too many things come into consideration that I couldn't decide even though I've been thinking about this nonstop for these two days *sigh*
I miss Indonesia. I miss my family, friends, and the food. But I don't know what will I face there. Where would I live? Manado? My parents are now living with my sister on a small island in the middle of nowhere. My brother lives alone now and I know he'd be more than happy to live with me. BUT I don't think it's wise to live with him and anyway I don't want to take care of him :p.
I have no place to live in Surabaya. I must rent a house and buy ALL the furnitures, or rent a furnished apartment (which is much more expensive than renting our apartment in Japan now!). I don't have any job, and don't intend to have any either. I don't want to leave Iki to baby sitter.
OK I'll be busy on the first few weeks if I moved there. But after I tried all the food I'm missing now, and met my friends, I might have nothing to do then. I don't want to spend my days jumping from one shopping mall to another shopping mall :p.
Bali? I love going there for holiday. But for living? Will I just lying on the beach, tanning myself and Iki every day?!
In other hands, I could actually put Iki into playgroups, or swimming school. But....I don't know. I just think that something is not right. Don't ask me, I couldn't explain what. I want to go to Indonesia. It's just..........
I just started my life here. I don't speak good Japanese, I can't read kanji, I don't know a lot of rules and cultures and habit and common senses yet. I don't know A LOT of things.
But I just start enjoying my life here. I just start making friends. We have swimming class three times a week. Iki and I love it. The food is good and Iki loves Japanese food more than any other food. We're always busy. Either for swimming, playing, surveying, traveling, and shopping. We have happy life here, as a whole family. I don't know if we would still feel the same without Hiro. I am not sure if I could manage being with Iki only for 24 hours.
My parents in law would be really really sad if I moved to Indonesia with Iki. My mother in law always said that she's old and dying and wants to spend time as much time with Iki as possible. But I'll be dying if I have to spend as much time as possible with them hahahaha. JOKING!! I love them. Really I do. They are very nice and lovable. I don't mind to visit them sometime and enjoy traveling with them. It's also very nice to see their happy faces, and also Iki's happy faces if they're together. But it's just tiring, really tiring, spending too much time with them *sorry, Hiro :p*
I couldn't let this matter out of my mind these days, that's why I think I got this very nice dream last night.......
We were packing Hiro's stuffs when suddenly Hiro got the idea to ask his boss if he could bring his family along. I was laughing out loud at his idea but honestly couldn't stop hoping. So the next day we went to his office together. We met a lot of people, and talked with them before at last we met the boss. Then Hiro told her (in my dream, the boss is a woman!) about his idea and explained how we would be able to manage living there. To my surprised, she agreed!!!
So then we went home, full of joy. We stopped by at the nearest supermarket and bought some stuffs for dinner. For dinner celebration, for exact.
Then as we arrived home I started to cook. I couldn't stop smiling because I was too happy. It was like a dream to me. Then my cooking alarm rang as the sign that my rice was ready. It was when my real "alarm" rang too and woke me up :(
I took me few minutes to realize why I was on the bed. My heart was broken into pieces. IT WAS A DREAM!! hahahaha
A very sweet dream indeed, isn't it? but it's an impossible dream.
However I tried to deal with this, from that dream I still realized that deep in my heart I still wished....I wished that we could be together.